I normally don’t vent too much on social media, but my emotions are hitting me hard today. This past weekend, I lost my grandmother. My feelings are very mixed on the matter: there’s definitely grief and also fear. She and I were very close when I was younger. Whenever I visited, there was love and kindness and affection. But as I got older and become a teenager, I felt less and less of those, though I’m sure now deep down they were there, and the relationship between us felt more one-sided than ever and it felt like I was the only grandchild she pulled away from. Because of that, we barely talked until the day she died. So, I’m missing the times we had and what we could have had. At the same time, I hope I never push anyone away just because they grow up. That’s one of my biggest fears. I never want anyone in my life to be afraid to talk with me or vice versa just because of life changes or new developments. That’s what family and love ones are for. Forgive me, I’m processing so my mind is all over the place right now. Thank you for listening.

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